Camelot the Chav
by Masque31
Summary: After a long day of work, Merlin does a spell that predictably goes wrong. What's not so predictable are the results. They do get up to some CRAZY things in Camelot!


**Random one shot again, inspired by one of Arthur-Morgana Forever's reviews. This fic is dedicated to you! Yay, last night's episode was AWESOME!! Yay Arwen!!!**

**Disclaimer: Merlin is not mine...no...he's Morgana's!!!!**

**Camelot the Chav**

It was a normal day in Camelot. The sun was shining and hideous monsters conjured by sorcery had given up trying to attack Camelot. Even Nimueh was peacefully plotting the gruesome deaths of Merlin and Uther from beyond the grave. The whole citadel was celebrating the holidays of The Patron Saint Of Swords. In fact only Merlin was kept busy, at the beck and call of a certain Prince Prat.

"Wash my tunic!"

"Clean my boots!"

"Polish my armour!"

Arthur dumped the aforementioned items on top of an already loaded Merlin. He staggered slightly under the weight.

"And I expect to be served with a decent lunch this time!"

"Yes_ Sire_," said Merlin, managing to make the title sound mocking.

Arthur shot him a glare.

"Shut up, _Merlin_."

* * *

Merlin lay down on his bed. His bones were aching, even after using magic to do most of the work. He retrieved his magic book with a wave of his hand and flipped the book to a random page.

_The Silencing Spell _

_This spell temporarily renders the victim's speech useless. The victim will not be able to speak for a whole 36 hours. Only the counter charm can reverse it. No other cure. _

_Bregdan Silencio Onbind _(Sorry couldn't resist the harry potter)

Merlin smiled wickedly.

* * *

Merlin sneaked into Arthur's room the next morning. The prince was dressing behind the screen. He crept up to him.

"Ah Merlin!" said Arthur turning around suddenly.

Merlin adopted a look of innocence.

"Are you constipated?" asked Arthur.

"Umm no Sire."

"Right. Well help me get into my armour then!"

Merlin gingerly did up the fastening.

Arthur now rummaged around in the shoe box, making a great deal of noise.

Merlin pointed a finger at his back and whispered:

_Bregdan Silencio Onbind _

"Have you seen the state-" Arthur broke off his silent mouthing.

_Yes! _thought Merlin _Now he can't order me about!_

Arthur clutched his throat suddenly and began gagging. Merlin ran up to him and viciously thumped him on the back.

"What the flip you doing, blud?" A completely different voice erupted from Arthur.

"You trying to touch me up? I swear, if you touch me I'll run you through, innit?"

Merlin blinked.

"What you lookin' at, ya ugly mug?"

Arthur fiddled about with his armour.

"This me'al can is well unfashionable!"

He pushed past a nonplussed Merlin and rooted through his wardrobe.

He pulled on some extremely baggy trousers that showed some of his boxers and his overlarge moleskin coat.

"Now dat's what I'm talkin' about!"

"I'm sorry, who are you?"

"What ya talkin' 'bout, I'm Arizzle." (okay basically my friend Hannah sent me a chain letter called my 9 names and it said gangsta name: the first two letters of your first name plus izzle and voila Arizzle)

"Umm okay _Arizzle_, I think you need to see Gaius," said Merlin, sounding sceptic.

"What? I ain't seeing dat broken down old buffer!"

Merlin grabbed Arthur, or Arizzle, by the arm and tried to drag him all the way to Gaius.

"What 'choo doing, you biatch! Let go o' me!" shrieked Arizzle.

_"What the hell is a biatch?"_ thought Merlin.

Arizzle slapped Merlin away.

"What's going on?" said a voice.

Merlin panicked and clapped a hand over Arizzle's mouth just as Morgana came in.

"Okay what are you wearing?" She said to Arizzle.

He licked Merlin's hand.

"Wow, you is well fit!" said Arthur the chav and wolf whistled.

Morgana blinked.

"Are you touched in the head?"

"Fancy going out some time?"

Suddenly something in Morgana's eyes changed.

"Oh yeah, are you buff or what?"

She attempted to walk over to him but tripped over her dress.

"Wait a minute, babe, while I go c_hange_," She made the word sound dirty.

Merlin shuddered. _"What was wrong with people today?"_

Morgana came back in wearing a strange shirt thing that was knotted above her belly button with 2 buttons open. There was a weird wavy thing around her like an extremely short skirt. All her hair was tied in a side ponytail and unnaturally straight. She wore massive hoop earring and was chewing on something. Her eyes were heavily made and her eyelashes were as thick as spider's legs.

Merlin blinked. She looked incredibly....

Ridiculous.

"Let's go baby!" said Arizzle, linking with Morgana.

"Where's da nearest Maccy?" she said to Merlin. Her voice sounded like a high pitched version of Arthur.

"Maccy?" he said.

"_McDonalds_?" She said, spitting out each syllable.

"We don't have one?" said Merlin.

"Urgh dis town is well naff!" they said together.

They walked off linking.

Merlin just blinked again.

* * *

"Gaius! Gaius! Something weird's going on!" yelled Merlin as he ran to him. He barged in without knocking and looked all over.

There was a thump in the bedroom.

"Gaius?"

Out came Gaius wearing the same baggy clothes as Arthur and a LOT of gold jewellery.

Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"I is Gaius,

Da court physician,

I is making potions,

A sizzle, a whizzle!

And boom, a cure!"

Gaius waved his arms around madly and attempted to spin on his head.

"Word! Yo Merlin,"

The boy wizard began to hyperventilate.

"Calm down dawg! I is cool!"

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" screamed Merlin.

He ran out.

* * *

"What is the meaning of this?" Uther yelled at Arthur and Morgana "Why are you dressed so indecently Morgana?"

"Ah shu' up, you old prune. Iz the fashion, ain't it? And by the way, it's Morg."

"What language do you speak, insolent child!" Uther was losing it.

"English, blud, duh!" said Arthur.

"What-?" Uther seized his throat and began choking.

"My Lord!" said the closest knight.

Uther waved him away.

"Arrrkk! Ahem. I is Uther, King of the Chavs!" he yelled to the court.

"Yeah! Innit!" said Arizzle.

Merlin burst in.

"Sire, there;s something wrong with-"

"Who is you?" said Uther.

"Uhhh....."

_Kylie Minogue _said his subconcious.

"Kylie Minogue!" said Merlin's mouth.

"Ah really?!" shrieked Morg.

"I want 'er autograph!" said Arizzle.

They gathered around a confused Merlin and shoved bits of paper at him. Merlin took a quill from the court scribe who was now break dancing and signed 'Kylie' on them.

"I is Utha da rappa!

I is loathing magic dawg,

You wave you wand,

I chop you head!"

Uther began *gulp* pole dancing.

"Woo!" Morgana joined in as did Arthur.

Merlin looked around at the insanity.

The royals were pole dancing, the knights were break dancing and Gaius was now a pile of 'bling'

Merlin did the only sane thing.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" he screamed.

* * *

Merlin woke up with a jerk. His face was stuck to the page.

"Merlin?" Gaius came in "You were screaming in your sleep. Is everything okay?"

"Promise me one thing Gaius," he said "Never wear dropdowns."

* * *

**Hahahahaa lol told you it was random. Reviews please!!! xxx**


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